Stony Stratford, here we come

With reference to the forthcoming protest* at Stony Stratford, I just have to say that me and The Boy will be heading down South for the weekend. Train tickets are booked, and now, so is the hotel. I'm coming from Cumbria, it's a fucking loooooooong way.

Anyhow, I had a dilemma about hotels. Nothing close enough really, so anything I would get would require either a taxi or some leg work. I narrowed it down to two, both at a reasonable enough price and wifi too. The first was non-smoking B&B type, but closer to the station; the second was closer to Stony Stratford, but smoking rooms available. Um, the dilemma... I checked out the reviews.

The first looks rather good for simple overnight stays, but is on the wrong side of MK for
Stony Stratford. Average rating of 79%, and no seriously negative reviews.

The other hotel... about a mile from Stony Stratford, and out in the country. Average review 46%.
Oh dear.

And then I read the first review:

We arrived at the hotel at lunchtime and the smell of cigarette smoke filled the reception area which was not too welcoming.

How terrible.

A gentleman gave us our room swipecards and we found our own way to the rooms.

What, not even a Spanish Waiter** to guide you through the maze?

The rooms were very basic, very dated and very warm.

I'm a simple guy, and old-fashioned in many ways. The reviewer left his review

in July 2011

Yup, it's warm. In summer.

The tea & coffee making facilities were minimal.

Jees... the place is like a Travelodge for fucks sake, what you expect?

A positive: the beds were comfortable

Woo! A positive.

We were extremely disappointed with the standard of accommodation for the price that we paid (£89.00 per night for room only) and would not return to the hotel by choice.

Yeah, um, £89 is a lot. Not what I'm paying.

The Indian Restaurant next door was brilliant!!

Woo! Woo!! Another positive. I know where I'm eating Friday night.

From another review:

the hotel reception had ashtrays with a disgusting smell of cig smoke through out the hotel.

Oh yeah! And another, short and sweet, in it's entirety:

Great Service ,very personable but stank of cigarettes

This place sound like heaven. But, my favourite:

The Manager that greeted us on Reception had been smoking, his clothes were dirty he was sniffing rather unpleasantly.

Yes!

The whole of the Reception area stank of smoke and we were unable to have a drink let alone a meal at this Hotel.

Double Yes!! And don't you just know this woman*** is a fanatical anti-smoker?

If I had realised how disgusting this area of the hotel was I would definitely have cancelled my booking.

Oh my, I'm already convinced this place is gonna be like a home-from-home.

After a long day travelling we then had to go back out of the hotel and find somewhere to eat.

There's a fucking "brilliant" Indian Restaurant next door! What's wrong with you?

You would not recommend this place to anyone for health and safety reasons.

You might not, I'm not so sure.

The Management should take this Manager to task with his cleanliness, smoking and attitude.

Can't wait to meet him, have a smoke and a chat. I bet his attitude is fine if he isn't being
treated like a leper.

It would be nice if you could offer me a free night at one of your Hotels to compensate such an awful experience.

I do hope the response to this last was along the lines of Arkell v. Pressdram.......


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* ok ... well, I was going to write "piss up", but "protest" sounds way more radical and right on.
** At least two reviews I saw make mention of Fawlty Towers. I wonder how often that happens on hotel review pages...
*** the reviewer was called Anne, so I will make the presumption

The Forces of Goodness

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Let's get the digger

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The final word on the rear that isn't rear of the year

As Crocodile Dundee might say: That's not an arse! This is an arse:

And as any fule kno, older women are dirtier. AND, she can do your accounts. So... as far as I can see, the old Vordemort herself wins hands down. Pass me a beer and a viagra, that'll do nicely.

Kill the pig

I've been wondering whether or not I can be arsed. I can't even remember why I set up this account. I think I was a bit pissed at the time. Oh well....

A week or so ago Angry Exile did a rather (as usual) good post, in which he mentions studying Lord of the Flies at school... T'appens I studied this piece of shit too. In fact, we did it in the third year, and by luck (?) for our O level too (that's kinda like GCSE for younger readers, innit). Also, t'appen, the same day Angry Exile made his post my mother came a-visiting... this needs some background.

I home-educate my son. He can do a bit of maths, he can get excited by science, but he has no time for stories... and my mother comes 'round, after having spent the previous night with a bunch of ex-nurses where the subject of young male literacy came up. (What you expec? Women, innit...)

Long story, short: the old trout comes to tell me that the reason boys fail at literacy is because they would rather be doing something else.

Like climbing trees.

Or something.

I pointed out that the problem was the type of fiction we were being expected to appreciate. The first book I ever studied at senior school was Black (fucking) Beauty. Can this be more girly? This was followed by Tom Sawyer (paint that darn fence boy), and then Lord of the Flies. During this time, when I wasn't climbing trees, playing football, and trying to look up girls skirts, I read lots... mostly SF, like many of the lads in my class. I read The Lord of the Rings in my third year (over-rated guff) and lots more by the likes of Vance, Heinlein, van Vogt, Dick, etc.. but I am apparently illiterate because I don't appreciate the value of Jane Austen or Shakespeare. Fuck them dullards.

Then last night: some writer (BBC speak, he's important because he's a writer) come on t'telly. sebastian Fucks, or something. And lo, and behold, he does a piece about Jack from Lord of the Flies... well, as a woman I know oft says, these things come in threes. It struck a chord, and the bile doth rise....

Lord of the Flies is a pastiche/parody/response of/to Coral Island by RM Ballantyne. In Coral island, a bunch of kids are shipwrecked, and have an adventure, and they survive. They have a sense of communal well-being, and come through their ordeal.

In Lord of the Flies, a bunch of kids are shipwrecked... and without authority, their world desends into chaos and violence. Most of the kids, lead by psychopath Jack, become savages.

These two books exemply the two mind sets of modern political thought: there are those who believe people should be free to make their own (informed) decisions about their lives, and those who believe that (no matter how informed) the "people" are, they are ignorant animals, just one stop short of cannibals.

Forget Left/Right... there are only authoritarians/libertarians. Lord of the Flies, a vile view of humanity, is distinctly of authoritarian bent, and this has Establishment accreditation.

Be afraid.